A parent recently told a PACER advocate, “I get so frustrated! Being a ‘good communicator’ doesn’t come naturally to me!”  As an advocate for her own children with disabilities, PACER Advocate Carolyn Anderson said she felt the same way. “I had to ‘act as if’ I could do this long before it felt even a little natural for me.”

               What has helped you learn to be a “good communicator”? 

Sharing ideas means working with others to try to find a solution to a problem. All team members are encouraged to participate. They share ideas without evaluating or judging them first. Once the ideas are on the table, the team chooses a solution to try. A written plan is developed that includes who is responsible for each task, as well as a follow-up plan and a timeline.

               What creative solutions has your team reached through sharing ideas?

Parents of children with disabilities often gain  valuable insights, wisdom and experience that could be shared with other parents who are following in their footsteps. Parents can share what they wish they’d known sooner in raising a child with a disability.

                What do you wish you knew “then” that you do know “now”?

A parent told PACER advocates that she is a private, quiet person. For that reason, speaking up for her child with a disability at school meetings has been very difficult. She tells herself, “I can do this!” before the meetings, and that seems to help.

               Do you have any messages you tell yourself before you attend a school meeting?

Written letters or e-mails can be a very effective form of advocacy. PACER advocates have a saying, “If it’s not in writing, it doesn’t exist.” Written communications may be used for such reasons as making a request, asking for clarification, asking for a decision, saying thank you, or documenting a verbal discussion.             

  How have letters or e-mails helped you communicate more effectively as you advocate for your child?

Advocates always encourage parents who disagree to disagree without being disagreeable. There are things that you can do or say that will help the disagreement be resolved. For example, you can choose your battles (not everything is worth disagreeing about) and you can take responsibility for your part of the disagreement.

               What tips can you share about resolving disagreements without being disagreeable? 

An effective communication strategy is turning negatives into positives. This technique allows you to take a negative comment made about your child and give it a positive “spin.” For example, “He’s always fighting” could mean “It looks like my child needs to learn social skills.”

How have you been able to turn a negative into a positive?

Listening to others is an important skill. When you listen, you can gain needed information, and you can also ask yourself if the speaker is sharing opinions or facts. A fact will have data or records to back up what is said. Decisions should be based on facts.

               How have you found listening to others helpful in planning for your child with a disability?

Special education requires documents and records. Individualized Education Program (IEP) team planning and meetings run more efficiently when everyone has their “data” well organized. What methods have you found helpful in becoming organized?

The most important thing you did to prepare your child for adulthood

I’m an advocate at PACER, and my kids with disabilities are now adults in their 30s. What’s the most important thing I did to prepare them for adulthood? I think it was never giving up. I had to change some strategies and methods, but I didn’t give up on helping my children learn to read, to behave in public (and at home!), and to become self-advocates.  Many days it just seemed like a downhill battle, but you should see them now!

Parents of older “kids,” what is the most important thing you did to prepare your child with a disability  for adulthood?